


Paradise Lost.

by epistretes



Series: Aquaphilia [4]
Category: Thor (Movies)
Genre: Angst, BAMF Sif, Biting, Descriptive Sex, F/M, Frigga ships her sons/happiness, Funeral Scene, Licking, Loki is jealous, Multiple Orgasms, Odin ships Thor/Sif, Oral Sex, Revelations, Rubbing, Sif has typical Aesir notions of the Jotunn, Sif's POV, Stripping, Teasing, Thor is not ready to be King, Woman on Top, apparent character death, but used very sparingly, clitoral stimulation, frigga ships it, loki is melodramatic, man on top, movie scenes truncated to fit, one or two movie quotes, sensual stripping, tiniest bit of implied Thor/Jane
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-25
Updated: 2014-08-25
Packaged: 2018-02-14 17:24:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,908
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2200476
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/epistretes/pseuds/epistretes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sif and Loki's relationship is like a secret paradise. Can it withstand some dark revelations, though?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Paradise Lost.

Sif had found her paradise. Her relationship might still be a secret, but it was _their_ secret and they both were content to keep it that way. The first night he had stolen in to her bedroom, spread her legs on the sheets and delved between them with his tongue until she had to get him to cast a sound-dampening spell around her rooms was blissful.

The first morning that she had stolen in to _his_ bedroom and woken him up by doing things that made him still blush to think of was even more so. They teased and flirted and enjoyed all of the fruits of their feelings with none of the pain, none of the whispers or the judgements of others.

Of course, it could never last.

The All-Father had been overdue for an Odinsleep for some time and people were beginning to worry about the state he might leave Asgard and all of the Nine Realms in when he finally did succumb to the necessary rest period. They all, naturally, looked to Thor as his successor and it started to chafe at Loki like never before.

When he came to her from a meeting with his father, he was more tense and it took more effort on her part to help him unwind and to let him forget. If he had come from a meeting with both Odin _and_ Thor, it was only her that he would allow within fifty feet of himself. His mother was too perceptive of his feelings and he did not like it when he was so conflicted, but soothing words and touches from Sif would eventually do the trick. Sometimes she wondered what might become of him had she never gone in to that bathroom that day and she found herself thanking the Norns that she had, for his sake let alone her own.

One night, he had broken his pattern and not come to her after having been summoned to the All-Father’s side and she worried. Pacing her room for near a bell’s toll, she finally gave in to her curiosity and worry and she stealthily made her way to his rooms. Sure that no one had followed, she got close - only to hear raised voices. Thor then crashed out of Loki’s rooms looking a mingled mess of hurt, confusion and concern. Whatever had happened between them, she did not know but she was sure that her King was somehow to blame. She revered Odin and loved him as her King. She would follow him to the ends of Yggdrasil and beyond, she would lay down her life for him - but that did not mean that she could not see the difference in consideration that he showed his two sons. Once she was sure that Thor was gone and not coming back, she slipped in to Loki’s rooms.

“Loki?” She called out softly, trying to get his attention. He turned to look at her, face blank and emotionless.

“Should I bow?” He snarled at her, his mask shattering as rage and hurt broke through it.

“I have no notion of what you mean, Loki,” she told him, stepping forward.

“You are to be my sovereign Queen, the consort of my brother it appears,” he snapped out and turned away from her.

“Nonsense, I have no desire to be with Thor or to be Queen,” she told him and placed a gentle hand on his shoulder and turned him towards her again.

“You do a poor show of it then, my _father_ has singled you out as the future consort for Thor. He just announced it to both of us. His time is failing and Thor is to be the next King. Thor will be King, he will need a Queen and I-” she could read it in him even though he closed himself off again, trying to hide it. _I get nothing that I want._

“My King may command it, but I cannot betray my heart. I will refuse the Queenship. I am sure both Thor and the Queen will honour my wish and convince Odin to another girl.” Whatever else was on his mind, he did not voice. Instead he pulled her in for a scorching kiss of the like he had not given her in a while. The kind of kiss that was possessive, needy, half-desperate and full of desire. She returned it with the same kind of fire, trying to soothe his wounded heart.

She loved Thor. He was her friend, he had supported her dreams and he had always been a rock for her - but she did not want a rock. She wanted fire and blood. She wanted fluid passions and creativity. She loved Thor as she loved Fandral, Hogun and Volstagg - but _Loki_ ; Loki had become her everything, he embodied everything she desired and she ran her hands through his hair to remind him of that.

She gently pushed him down on to the bed and broke the kiss to run her hands down his clothed chest, unwrapping him from his bonds. She did it deliberately, kissing each inch of pale flesh as it was exposed to her, wrapping her lips around his nipple and hearing the involuntary exhale of air that he gave in response. She finally got him out of his outer layer and discarded it to the floor, hearing the whisper of fabric as it lay down. Work then started on his other layers and for once she did not curse the sheer amount of clothing Loki wore - this time she diligently removed every piece until he was utterly naked and her teeth, lips, and tongue had travelled over every part of him except where he clearly wanted it most.

She stood before him, still clothed and while he groaned at her warmth being taken away, she began to remove her own clothing, a flick of the wrist here to toss aside her wrappings. A flick of the ankle there to send her lacy knickers to the floor until she was standing before him in all of her nude glory, unwrapped for him like a present.

“I am yours and you are mine,” she whispered as she crawled along his body and ended the sentence by nipping on his earlobe. “Nothing else matters.”

She rolled her hips back and down along the length of his shaft, coating him in her wetness as it had built within her even as she stripped him down and she reclaimed his lips again. She was determined that whenever the thought of her being ordered to marry Thor might cross his mind, he would be reminded of her claiming _him_ , of giving herself willingly to _him_ and not his elder brother. Odin would not have his way in this, but by the Norns, she would have her way with Loki right here and now.

He groaned her name in to the kiss and she felt it vibrating slightly along her own lips as she pushed back and allowed the head of his erection to slip in to her folds. With a strong, swift movement, she pushed down and enveloped him completely. Her hips met his and then snapped back up before pushing down again. The kiss was broken as he gasped with pleasure and she grabbed his hands and slammed them back on the bed behind his head. Prone and pinned as he was, she rolled her hips and slid along him with determination. Had they not been so intimate with each other for so long, she might have worried about bruising him, but she knew that he could take it as she pumped herself along him.

She could feel his fingers curling around her own but he was apparently content to let her fuck him mercilessly in to his bed. Their kisses were hot and wet as they near-lunged for each other as he slid against her just so, the friction and passion between them building to a crescendo. 

Finally, he broke the kiss and slammed his head back against the pillow, crying her name out hoarsely as he released and ground his hips up in to her. She knew by now how to prolong his orgasm and she did just that, guiding him along his high until he was utterly spent. As he sagged back in to the mattress, she let his hands up and he gently kissed her as he ran his fingers through her hair. One disentangled itself and slipped between their bodies to find that little nub. Even as his own erection wilted within her, his finger teased at her and soon enough, she came as well. She bit her lip and threw her head back, leaving the graceful line of her neck exposed and she could feel his eyes on her as she quivered above him. As she came down, he slipped his finger free and she lay herself along him, pressing against his chest as they both caught their breath.

“Stay here tonight?” He asked and she did not have the heart to deny his request.

“Budge over, then,” was her reply and she slipped off of him and settled herself along his side.

She slipped off to sleep with his warmth by her side, his hair tickling her nose and his scent all over her and around her and it felt right. She had no idea for how long or how little she slept, for the next thing she knew, she was being woken by his stroking his fingers down the planes of her torso, ghosting across her breasts and down to her belly button and back up again. As he noticed that she was awake, he smirked and the sweeps of his long, cool fingers got lower and lower. Just as she felt her nipples stiffen and her body got excited, his fingers disappeared between the juncture of her thighs and spread her open. His tongue soon followed and she grabbed the sheets in her fists and twisted as he deftly touched her with his tongue exactly as she liked it best. He alternated between using the flat of his tongue against her with the point, nudging at her clit with his nose as his tongue delved deeper and it was not long before she gasped his name and tore his sheets. The smirk he gave her as he reappeared was infernal and she loved it. 

“Mmm, not sure it was worth waking me up for,” she teased as he covered her with his body.

“Well now, I’d better make it worth my lady’s time,” he retorted as he pushed home within her and stilled as deep as he could get before he kissed her and rolled his hips. She could taste herself in his kiss and she could feel him grinding himself against her cervix and she opened herself fully to him. It was slow, sensual and almost tantric as he kept the movements shallow but determined and Sif had no idea how long they were there, working each other’s bodies and leaving sweat-soaked sheets beneath them, but Loki’s bed became her heavenly realm. He clutched her to him and drew her in as they came together in the same instant, holding on to each other with their gazes locked. 

As they drifted off to sleep again, both utterly spent, she wondered what it might feel like to be able to openly admit her love for Loki and to be able to fall asleep next to him every night for the rest of their lives.

She got out of his rooms in the morning with only a little fumble and fuss and she straightened herself up before slipping through the shadows back to her rooms, unnoticed by all.

After she had bathed, broken her fast and beat a few newcomers in to the dirt in training, she was summoned to Odin’s private consultation rooms. She knew that this was where he met with the Diar and decided upon the proclamations that he then gave in the throne room to the court. She knew what was coming and she had never thought that such a summons would be the last thing she wanted. As it was, she went inside and met with the All-Father himself and Queen Frigga.

“Lady Sif.” He greeted her warmly but her heart felt tight and cold.

“All Father. My Queen.” She bowed respectfully and took the seat he indicated for her.

“I have summoned you here today because I wish to consult with you. I am soon bound for the Odinsleep and I would set my affairs in order before I relinquish the throne to my son, Thor. When he is crowned King, he will require, as I did, a Queen to be by his side and be his confidante. No King can rule successfully alone without someone to provide that stability that he requires. I would like you to be that stability for Thor.”

“My King, I am very cognizant of the great honour that you do me with this, but I am afraid that I will have to respectfully decline your offer.” She told him and while Frigga did not look surprised, Odin did - although he covered it up quickly.

“I am offering you my son, my realm and a Queenship,” Odin reiterated.

“I have only the love for Thor as that of a friend and a comrade-in-arms. I would not be a good Queen. I have no hand for delicacy or diplomacy and I fear that the combination of Thor and I could only bring ruin to what you and my Queen have built by my inadequacy in such a role. I would die for Thor, take a sword for him; but I fear that I cannot take his hand.” She was so earnest in her entreaties that Odin looked like he might actually relent. “My heart belongs to the realm and I wish to continue serving it as I have done, my liege.”

“I must say that I am surprised, I had always thought your love for Thor went beyond that of a comrade.” Odin told her, clearly glad that this had been a private consultation. “I had thought better of your mind.”

“A heart cannot be engaged to any when it has already been claimed,” Frigga stated mildly. “The mind cannot do that which the heart does not agree to.”

“Is this true? Your heart is claimed by another?” Odin asked, his one eye boring in to her own and she swallowed, nervously.

“I cannot lie to you, my King. It has been, for a long time, though I knew it not until recently.”

“Then I shall relent. I will seek out another wife for my son. I had hoped it would be you that I was calling daughter, but I know I cannot force the issue.” He told her. “You may go.”

______

They felt the need to be more careful now that the King and Queen knew that she had feeling for someone and she knew Odin’s ravens had been spying on her on occasion. She was wily to it, though and she and Loki evaded them skilfully. It did not mean that they had to avoid each other entirely though. He would pull her in to his shadows and drop to his knees in an abandoned hallway as they played the ‘who-can-be-more-quiet’ game. She would meet him in their bathroom and while away the whole day with him when she was not required. Even Fandral started to notice that Sif was not with them as much as usual but none could get out of her just whom she had taken up with.

“Leave her be, Fandral,” Thor ticked him off one day when he was pressing her about it. “If the Lady wants to keep a secret, we can do no less than letting her have it until she chooses to reveal it.” When she had thanked him about it privately later, he had given her a very odd look that she could not place and squeezed her shoulder.

“Some day, when you are ready to tell, I will be happy to hear.” He had told her before he had gone on ahead.

Despite the feelings that were more open between themselves, Loki occasionally pulled back from her. Even though Odin had dropped the matter of her suit with Thor, it still rankled with him, that she knew - even though he was loath to admit it.

Rumours swirled more and more that Thor was soon to be proclaimed the Crown Prince. Servants did not trouble to keep their voices down when they spoke of it, courtiers acted as though it were already fact and even Thor was to be found sometimes referring to it as an already-sealed thing. Odin looked weary and Sif found that Loki pulled away from her or clung more tightly dependant on what he had overheard - and of course, he always seemed to find himself wherever rumour swirled.

Each comment was a small cut to his heart but with so many cuts bleeding at once, Sif did not know how to patch it. She had never been a healer with medicines or with words and she could not find the ones she needed, but she tried. She knew that he relaxed more with her, he could let his guard down more with her but she still felt like her voice was starting to echo in a chasm rather than reaching him. Odin slid inexorably towards his enforced sleep and Loki slid away from all of them with each passing day.

The day came. Odin made his proclamation. The next day, Thor would be made King of Asgard and the Nine Realms. That night, he seemed far away. Even as they made love, she felt like he was not wholly there. She tried her best to draw him back to her, away from the blackness that was enveloping him and taking him slowly from her, but she did not succeed.

The next morning, she awoke in his bed but he was not warming it with her. He had already left and, hurt, she got dressed and quickly made her way back to her own rooms. She told herself to forgive him, that his hurts went too deep for her to heal as she had not inflicted them. This balm could only come from Odin and she did not believe it would be forthcoming.

As she got ready and met the Warriors Three in the throne room, she caught a glimpse of Thor and Loki sharing banter and smiles and it made her feel more at ease. Loki joined the others in the throne room and stood beside her and she watched him carefully, but he seemed more poised than he had the night previous. Thor stole her attention as he near-cavorted down the aisle, clearly enjoying every moment of his crowning day and then… he was not.

Frost giants. Evil, bestial, vicious things. This was what she had been told, been brought up with all of her life. The beasts of Jötunheimr were to be feared, beaten and put back in to their icy holdfasts. As the Einherjar, cleared the room and Odin with his sons headed to the vault, Sif feared for them and what they would find.

What had passed in the vault, she did not know; but she did know that she was not in the best of moods. When she saw Thor upturn the table in the feasting room, she could not help but snark at his childishness.

“Redecorating are we?” She asked as she spread her arms to emphasize her point. She narrowed her eyes at the brothers as Loki murmured in Thor’s ear. She knew that whatever it was, it could not be good. She was right. She doubted very much that going to Jötunheimr was entirely Thor, but she could not call Loki out on it here in front of everyone. She was sure he would do _something_ to discredit Thor, to soothe his own injured pride today. This was the cutting side of his mischief.

As they prepared their horses, she could not get a chance to speak with Loki and then they were on their way across the bifröst and towards her half-brother, Heimdall.

She kept shooting secretive looks across to Loki but could not catch his eye. It was infuriating, she wanted to speak with him, to soothe him - and also to ensure that he was not up to his usual tricks. She was foiled at every opportunity.

The bridge activated and they were shooting through Yggdrasil’s branches to the icy realm of the jötunn. Landing, she wished that she had listened to her brother and brought more clothing - or rather - not come at all. The cold bit in to her like nothing ever had before. Hogun muttered that they ought not to be there and she quietly agreed. She stole a look at Loki and his breath puffed in the air but she could not discern his features properly.

They headed towards Útgarða and the seat of Laufey, following Thor. As usual, Thor led the group, she and Loki settled in behind and the Three brought up the rear guard. She was unimpressed by Thor’s words and actions during the confrontation but she obeyed him anyway as the fight broke out, she unleashed her weapon. They fought hard, the jötunn were as brutish and savage as she had thought them to be as they rained down their blows and fired their icy missiles. Spikes of ice pierced Fandral and she heard Loki shouting that they had to leave. She agreed and knowing that Volstagg and Hogun would take Fandral, she fled with Loki by her side. They ran from the great blue beast that pursued them and kept their flight as direct as was possible with the shifting and breaking ice beneath them.

It was not until they were back in Asgard in the Observatory that she released her breath and her fear. She accompanied the Three to the Healing Rooms and left the royals behind them. That had not gone well, but she trusted in the All-Father’s judgment.

When she heard of Thor’s banishment, she feared for her friend. Was he lost to them forever? How would she go on without his smiles and his support? His presence had always been something she desired even if not in a romantic manner. His being gone just did not seem real. On top of that, Loki was acting strangely, standing apart from them and looking at his hand.

“I was just checking that I had no wound. One of them broke my gauntlet but I got free before he touched me,” he told her when she came closer to enquire. She moved back to the fire to stare in to the flames and think things through. The spat that followed left her wanting to follow Loki but unable to in case of piqued interest and suspicions and yet she could not help herself from saying that he has always been jealous of Thor. It was true, he had been and it had only been exacerbated when the idea of her wedding Thor had come up and then again when Thor had been proclaimed the Crown Prince.

Something broke in him, that she was sure of; what she did not know. When she saw him next, on the throne itself, she wanted to hurry to him. He looked like a scared child, the second son in truth. Then he stood and towered over them on the steps, Gungnir in hand and something within her trembled in concern and worry. Something was very, very wrong.

She knew his sleek tongue better than any, but his words were so precise and chosen that it raised suspicion within her. Had he truly done something to bring this situation about? Loki was not Loki without Thor and Thor was not Thor without Loki. She had to get Thor back, to temper his mischief-causing brother. She stood, wanting to do something - preferably punch him - but Fandral stopped her and she gave him a glare that told him that she was on to him. She knew him too well to doubt the rest. He leaned over her threateningly and he knew that she wanted to hit him. Something between them had broken in that moment and whether it was repairable was up to him and him alone.

As the plan to retrieve Thor unfolded, she felt guilty. It was treason, yes, but that was the least of her concerns. It was _Loki_ that they were plotting against, they were deriding as not being their King and the guilt that gnawed at her only did not take hold because of her own sheer stubbornness.

“Thor would do the same for us,” she reminded them. Was this it? There was likely no going back from the moment. She stepped forward.

Midgard had changed, that was for certain. They were not in the Scandinavian countries as they had used to visit, but elsewhere and it was hot. Not as hot as Múspellsheimr, thankfully, but still hot. Heading for the settlement, they took in their surroundings as they searched for their friend. When they found him, her heart threatened to break. Loki had been here. He had lied to Thor and told him that the All-Father was deceased, so he was definitely doing something. What he was preparing for, she could not fathom but she knew it could not be good. Then the Destroyer came and she had to harden her heart. This was not her Loki any more, this was someone else. Something had taken hold of her lover and twisted him until he was willing to strike at her, potentially fatally. When Thor urged her to tell her stories herself, the guilt she felt at not figuring her lover out sooner and preventing this threatened to overwhelm her. Her paradise was lost, it had unravelled in her hands and been destroyed.

Seeing Loki willing to make a final, fatal blow to his brother did the last. She was severed from him now, that she knew. He could not be redeemed from this, surely? How could he be? Whatever had taken hold of his heart and mind had corrupted him beyond compare. Was this really the man who had touched her so lovingly only a few nights past? Whose smiles lit up her entire world?

Leaving Midgard, she was sent to the Healing Rooms with her brother and it rankled, but this was between Thor and Loki. Perhaps they could speak once again when this was over… even if it was likely that Loki would be in chains for such a confrontation. A huge explosion rocked the very foundation of the citadel and she ran to the windows. The Observatory. Even from this distance, she thought she saw a flash of red and green and in a heartbeat, she was at the door, heedless of Fandral’s crying out to stop her.

Her flight took her to the stables and she grabbed her horse and mounted it without tackle, urging it forward along the rainbow bridge. As she got closer, she jumped off and ran - only to stop and stare in disbelief. Odin was holding Thor, who was dangling off of the side of the shattered bridge and he in turn was holding Gungnir, to which Loki clung. Her heart raced as she took it in, but before she could take another step, Loki’s pleading expression gave way to resignation and she heard Thor’s screams for his brother but her eyes were dragged to the abyss with her lover as he dropped to his doom. After staring in shock at the place where the rip had taken him, where he had disappeared from them forever, she turned away.

“Sif! Sif, I -” Thor began, but she steeled herself and walked away resolutely and refused to look back.

They have no public funeral, just a small service to remember Loki. Everyone tells stories of him and they keep the truth to themselves, the servants and courtiers only speak of good things as it was wrong to speak ill of the dead. The official story claimed that Loki was killed in the explosion that destroyed the Observatory and no elaboration was given. 

At the feast, she saw Frigga stand and move towards her remaining son and husband.

“I am so sorry for your loss,” Sif told her as she moved close. “He mourns for his brother - and he misses her, the mortal.” She tried but failed to keep any note of emotion from her voice. From the look Frigga gave her, she was certain that the woman knew.

“My son might have been wrong in his last, but he was not always wrong.” Frigga touched her hand and walked away, leaving Sif to let that sink in. She excused herself and walked back to her rooms, alone. As the door closed behind her, she breathed deeply and walked to her balcony. From here she could see the shattered remains of the bifröst and she lifted the small ceremonial ball of light that was released at state funerals.

“Goodbye, Loki.” She released the ball to the night sky and turned back to her bed. Tomorrow was a new day and she must face it. Without him.


End file.
